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Significant significant welcome to significant life. The podcast for women who want to live lead and serve from an anchored place. I’m your host, Janice Anderson wife, mother of three CEO and lover of all things. Jesus, I firmly believe that strong women need an even stronger support system. So whether you need to get it done or come undone, this is a place where you can do it all without second,
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guessing who you are disconnecting from those who love or undervaluing your irreplaceable contribution to the world, regardless of what you’re facing this, I know for sure you were created to live and enjoy a significant life. Let’s dive into today’s episode So we still eat my oldest daughter graduate. Jasmine. She graduated from college actually six weeks ago today at the time that I am recording this episode,
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Jasmine was crossing the stage of her college, receiving her degree in, let me tell you, ask ring, then screamed and jumped and screamed some more like the proud mama that I am. My baby, my firstborn graduated college. And not only did she graduate college, he graduate college. She has a job lining up for her. She’s moving to a new city.
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I’m just so proud of her, proud of her journey, proud of her experiences, proud of how she navigated tough stuff in a great way. Wasn’t perfect, but it was really good. And I’m just so proud. I can’t tell you who else I’m proud of. Yup. Yup. I’m proud of myself. Like for the first time, in a long time I stopped,
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I breathe a sigh of relief and I acknowledge myself for the role I played in Jasmine getting crossed this critical milestone of her life. How many of you have done that? Have you stopped long enough to appreciate and to celebrate you for what you’ve done now? Probably you like me. And you’re like, I don’t do that at often because it wasn’t me.
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It was so-and-so in what about this? And I did this and we downplay our stories because we live in hand the wrong storyline. Let me tell you what I mean. So I’m so excited about Jasmine graduating, but her graduating also caused me to go into deep reflection so much so that I low-key cried. Okay. Hi, can we cried real, real hard.
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As I thought about it, I grew up in a less than ideal situation. As many of us have my struggled, most of my life with a drug addiction. My father died when I was 11 years old of HIV aids. My childhood was less than ideal. Let’s just leave it at that. But I managed to in the midst of all of that go to college,
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graduate college, you know, having a, a really great college experience, although I did have a baby, but what I focused on, can I tell what I focused on? I chose to focus on, I got pregnant in college and didn’t make straight A’s or honors every semester while I was in college. And there were moments in my college life that I didn’t fully do the whole college scene thing.
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Well, because I was making mistakes. Now I graduated, I had this baby. I finished even with a baby, even though everybody was telling me to. And I mean, everybody, my mentor, my advisor, you know, people back from back home was telling me to have an abortion. Don’t have this baby, but against their advice, I had the baby and I finished college.
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But the story I chose to focus on was you don’t get pregnant while you’re in school. Look at you, you know, and you didn’t even get you. Everybody was expecting you to get great grades, Dan, and who’s so smart. You didn’t get honors every semester. When you in school that thought about the fact that, you know what, while I was also going through that experience and going through college,
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I stood up for myself. I told my supervisor, I called the district office and told them that my boss was sexually assaulting me. And he was scheduling. He and I had to be alone so that he could do this ridiculous things in the back office while we were at work. And I stood up, many people don’t stay stand up for themselves,
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but you know what I focused on. I focused on the fact that he lost his job and I know he had a wife and he was the bread winner for their family. I focused on maybe, you know, I was young. Maybe my clothes were too tight or too revealing or too short or too, whatever it is. The people say that,
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you know, women do to invite this type of behavior. And then I think about right after college act landed an amazing job had moved, clearly crossed the country with my daughter who was only six months old. And I listen, I’m from Georgia. Let me just be clear. I am from Georgia, Georgia, Savannah to be exact. I am not used to any real cold.
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Okay. You know, for us, 60 is cold. 50 is cold. I moved to Denver, Colorado. Y’all with a six month old baby. As soon as I graduated college, I had this great job bravely moved there, lived on the third floor of my apartment building with me and my six month old. But can I tell y’all what I focused on?
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I focused on, I only stayed there two years and had to move back home because I wasn’t equipped to handle the underlying racial tension and the pressure to perform a missed it and how it’s too ignorant to navigate office politics wisely because I like to speak my mind. And when things were not true and things were like, you know, the time when they used me as a token black girl to stand up and go into this community of my people and tell them that we’re going to get jobs.
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And then we got home with Roy, all the resumes. I was enraged by that. And I didn’t know that was the process. That’s what they do. And so I was beating myself up because Dan is why didn’t, you know, why didn’t, you know, this society you’re supposed to handle things. Why didn’t you know that this is the game and this is how you play it.
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Y’all I could go on and on story at the story of how I focused on the wrong storyline. I mean, I felt they were credible things that I did. I accomplished great things. I overcame major milestones. Did I do them perfectly? No, we are not perfect. We’re human. But yet I chose to focus, not on the fact that I did something well,
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that I overcame that I stood up for myself, that I beat the odds. You know, that I’ve found confidence in myself that, you know what, I actually raised a human as a dog. I was so young. I was 2021. And look at my baby. She’s doing amazingly well. But instead I focused on the areas where I messed up the areas where there are gaps,
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the hiccups and the bumps in the road. You know, we often hear of this constant second guessing of who we are and what we’re capable of refer to as imposter syndrome, the inability for high-achieving individuals to internalize their accomplishments and consequently fear being exposed as a fraud. Can you relate? It’s like a, it’s like a term that we’re all referring to these days,
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but y’all, you know what I agree. It is imposter syndrome. And I believe it’s a little bit more than just imposter syndrome. I believe it goes deeper. Yeah. When I was researching this, I was like blown away by the research and the statistics of how many of us as amazing high-achieving women struggle with this perspective and this perception of who we are.
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56% of women have been afraid that they won’t live up to expectations that the people around them have for them, because they don’t believe they’re as capable as expected. And guess what? This spans across all industries, not just career women, but also stay at home moms or caregivers, entrepreneurs. Y’all this idea of us not, not living in the full story is hurting us.
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And can you relate to that? You know, as I was thinking about this, because I’ve been really fascinated with this idea of the imposter syndrome, because I feel like it’s so much deeper than high-achieving women feeling like a fraud. I really feel like they’re spiritual ramifications around this. I feel there’s a spiritual, there’s something we’re missing spiritually, that our thoughts are focused in one area.
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And we are literally denying that the other areas even exist in our lives. When I think about this and I’m working with the women in my life and I’m walking through my own journey, the first thing that comes to my mind is a scripture that says in Philippians four eight, that whatsoever things are lovely places where things are a better, a better look it up so I can see it right?
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Hold on. Whatsoever. Things are true whatsoever. Things are honest whatsoever. Things are just whatsoever. Things are pure whatsoever. Things are lovely whatsoever. Things are of good report. Can, if you underline in your Bible and I’m a big Bible, underliner underline things of good report. If there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things.
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And let me go ahead and caution those of us who are afraid of becoming a Pollyanna and living in the sky. I remember my grandmother told me one time, Cheryl, that’s my nickname. You see the world through rose colored glasses, grandma, listen, let me and my rose colored glasses keep on living because that’s what fuels me for what’s next. I’m not saying deny or ignore,
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or even pretend as if the unfavorable things did not happen just on allow the unfavorable things to guide your journey. So my question for you today is which storyline are you living in? How many times have you allowed yourself to be guided by the wrong storyline, but what you didn’t do? Well, you know, as I was reflecting on this and I literally,
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I’m not kidding, I cried so hard as I just thought through my daughter’s got approved for her first grownup apartment. Like, and that’s when it hit me that I have contributed greatly to a great start for my daughter. And then I went through and I looked at what I had to overcome in order to be that mom, in order to be that woman in order to keep on going,
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it was not favorable. There were so many things stacked against me. I came from a broken home. I was in the foster care system. I was a single mom. Hum black, you know, in corporate America is crazy. You know, I’m ignorant to so many things. I’m trying to figure this thing out. Well, my, when I graduated with my,
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I think it was with my master’s degree, let’s see, one of those had to be my master’s degree. My mother was in prison. I didn’t have, I had a lot of love from my family, but I didn’t have structured support like in the most ideal fashion yet I overcame yet. I kept ongoing. There are so many roadblocks and so many obstacles,
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but y’all can add, can I be honest for a second? There were also a lot of great things. I was crushing it at my job. The Lord healed me of stage four, ovarian cancer. I mean like there was so many things that happened that were good to me. So many things breakthroughs in my relationship with my daughter. I saw her,
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I made it when I remember this one summer and this may not be important to anybody, but this was so important to me. I remember one summer, she got to go to every camp she wanted to go to. And if there are any parents listening to this, no, no camp. And specifically sports clamp and science and technology camps can be very pricey.
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But my business was at a place that I could afford it now was a taxi the entire summer long, but I could pay for it. Like there was so many great things. I just want to invite you to just take a look for a minute. Just slow down to pause, to check the story that you’re focused on. As a matter of fact,
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I want to invite you to dish journal. When you’re done listening with this over the next few days, I’d like for you to just journal some key stories that you’re rehearsing in your mind stories of, of your life stories, of who you are, stories of your capabilities and your inability is. And I just want you to reflect on the whole story,
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not just the, not just the part where you messed up, but the other part, not just the part where you missed out, but the other part, not just the part where it could have been different, but the other part reflect on what is good. The second thing I would like for you to do is rehearse. What is true? What is really true?
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What is true? And one of you reflect on what is true, reflect on the good stuff. And then here’s the third thing I want you to do. I want you to refuse to agree with your accuser. Like I can tell by now I’m a guy, girl. So I, my life is guided by scripture. And before I accept anything as hardcore truth,
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I definitely look to see, what does God have to say about this? So I know this was the circumstance say, I know this is what the industry say. I know this where the psychologist say, but Lord, what do you have to say about this is the one thing I know is that those of us who are believers, those of us whose life is governed by God and his word y’all we have an accuser and the accuser is going before heaven,
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day and night re accusing us unto the Lord. He’s talking about us. He’s bringing up all of our stuff. He’s saying what we did. He’s rehearsing it over and over again. Revelation 12, 10 says for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down from his place. He don’t like your bull cause you about to occupy his space and where he stood before God accusing them day and night.
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He accuses us day and night. Can I, can I, can I encourage you? Let me let’s do this. Can I challenge you to not agree your accuser? He’s all his job. Don’t agree with him. Don’t sit here saying yeah, you right. I, I, nobody, I always make mistakes. I always do something. My mouth always get me in trouble.
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Watch your words instead. What is the highest Ruth? What is the higher truth? I did that, but I am this. I messed up there, but I can do this. What is that? So then number one, check his story. Make sure that you are agreeing with the right storyline. Look at the whole picture. Not just part of the picture,
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rehearse what is true rather than play. You know what, where you messed up, where you fell down, where you fell short, where you should have done is can you rehearse the other part, the rest of the story, the part that is true. And then number three, refuse to agree with your accuser. Come out of agreement with the enemy of your soul.
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The accuser of the brethren is the enemy of your soul. His whole job is to steal, kill, and destroy everything. That is good. And so if he can do that by parading your thoughts and get you to focus on what is negative, what is not good, where you may mistakes, girl, he can take you off the whole game.
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You around here, just living in this piece of a story. And then here’s the last thing I want to encourage you to do for number four, call in reinforcement. There were times in my life that I couldn’t remember the good part of the story. I don’t re I don’t know when I was reflecting over what happened and looking at where my daughter was and you know,
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like, man, this is wow. I kept saying, wow, that’s all I could say was wow. Like, wow, like it just hit me. Wow. And then, you know, you got the people who’ve been watching your life from a fire. It’s like, you know, my sister, we shared the same father, not the same mother.
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She was like, I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised. Do you know who you are? And she started naming all these things about me. And then I talked to my aunt, you know, she said to me, she says you did it. Even in the midst of a lot of criticism that just jacked me all the way up. I cried even more.
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I did do it in the midst of criticism. Hey, everybody had things to say about how I was raising my children. And why was I moving clearly across country? And I knew no one to this state that I’ve never been in. I don’t even know how to drive in the snow. I didn’t even know what to do in this. No,
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but yet I did it. I did what I thought was best in the moment. And even if it wasn’t the best thing, God covered me and I’ve relied on him and I depended on him. And that is something to celebrate. I just want to encourage you two things. Number one, girl. Tell the whole story. You are not just the bad part of your story.
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There is some good in your story. You are not just your mistakes or missteps. You are so much more focused on what is true. Focus on what is just focus on what is of a good report. And listen, don’t just focus on those things. Girls say dumb things out loud and celebrate. Cause baby, it could have went another way.
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I hope you enjoy this episode. I look forward to speaking with you soon in the next episode until then have a great day and live that has best for your life.