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EP 4: Show Notes and Resources

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TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00 – 00:00:31

Significant significant welcome to significant life. The podcast for women who want to live lead and serve from an anchored place. I’m your host, Janice Anderson wife, mother of three CEO and lover of all things. Jesus, I firmly believe that strong women need an even stronger support system. So whether you need to get it done or come undone, this is a place where you can do it all without second,

 

00:00:31 – 00:01:26

guessing who you are disconnecting from those who love or undervaluing your irreplaceable contribution to the world, regardless of what you’re facing this, I know for sure you were created to live and enjoy a significant life. Let’s dive into today’s episode. What drives your decisions? What drives the decisions of your life? When you pause and you reflect on your process for eliminating choices and going one way or another a question to you is what drives your decisions?

 

00:01:27 – 00:02:03

What is the deciding factor? What, what causes you to go a particular way? Girl, I am so excited about today’s podcast because this question and my answer to this question is what anchors me when life is crazy and chaotic and when it’s calm and peaceful, and I’m trying to figure out what to do. Next, my answer to this question is really what propels me forward and what,

 

00:02:03 – 00:02:29

what helps me to forge my way out or forge my way in to the next phase of my life. And I want to start with the story because this actually came up for me. The reason I was thinking about this was several reasons. I was thinking about it. One where nearing the end of the first month of the year. Yay. And at least at the time of me recording this podcast,

 

00:02:29 – 00:03:03

and I know this is a time when people are, have either fallen off the bandwagon of their new year’s resolutions. If you made them, I don’t personally make new year’s resolutions or they have abandoned their plan. And it’s not that they intended to. It’s just life. A lot of life happens between the first and the 31st of the month. And depending on who you are and how you’re wired by this point to Canda falling off of your high hope of doing something massively different,

 

00:03:04 – 00:03:25

unless you’re anchored in what we’re going to talk about today. So, and, and stay tuned, watch listen all the way to the end, because I’m going to share with you a way that I have found, and my clients have found to, you know, get back on the horse when you fall off or to reduce the amount of times you fall off,

 

00:03:25 – 00:03:47

even when life happens. Okay. All right. So let’s talk about today’s topic. So what drives your decisions? So talking with my 12 year old daughter Jayda, and at the time of this recording, she’s a couple of weeks away from turning 13 and she seems to be having a recurring concern. That’s what we’re going to call it in her life.

 

00:03:47 – 00:04:10

And I was like trying to figure this thing out. So to all of you out there who have children, teenagers to be specific, or those who are preteens and you’ve granted them, the amazing and awesome privilege of having a cell phone and access to electronic devices. Can you guys already tell where I’m going with this? Listen, how are you handling it?

 

00:04:10 – 00:04:31

What are you doing? What is your process around DME? Push your process around handling when things get off kilter? You know, so in our home, my 12 year old has a cell phone, but prior to her getting a cell phone and I didn’t just start with her, I actually did the same thing with her 22 year old sister when she was around the same age.

 

00:04:31 – 00:04:53

Well, when she was the age where she got a cell phone, this is where we all got a cell phone much sooner than when the, my 22 year old got a cell phone. Okay. But before giving them both their phones, we implement in our family, a technology and cell phone agreement. So you get to get this cell phone. If you can honor this,

 

00:04:54 – 00:05:18

if you agree to honor what is mapped out in this agreement. And actually it used to just be a cell phone agreement or a cell phone contract is what I use, what my 22 year old, but listen, go, we need this for all of technology because technology keeps advancing and the doors that are open with the access that technology provides are not always beautiful doors.

 

00:05:18 – 00:05:47

And so we need to have agreements in place between us. At least this is my belief and our children, so that we can honor and honor our honor what we are, the topic, our not our value and honor who we say we want to be. And, and, and honor, you know, the rules that come along with this new found privilege that you have in having access to this technology.

 

00:05:48 – 00:06:06

Okay? So anyway, we go with this agreement with my daughter and she reads it. My husband reads it. I read it. We all have copies of it. They’re printed. We go over it. We even negotiate aspects of it to make sure that we’re all on the same page. Before we signed on the dotted line, we signed the thing.

 

00:06:06 – 00:06:27

Everyone gets a copy of the signed thing. And we live according to this agreement. That is until we don’t live according to the agreement and here lately as of the last, maybe six months or so, my 12 and my 13 year old has not been living according to the agreement. And I’m like trying to figure out what it is. So I’m like what is going on with her?

 

00:06:27 – 00:06:48

That she keeps finding herself, disregarding the agreement. So at first, you know, the first offense in the agreement outlines, what happens with various offenses and what’s, what are the consequences of violating the agreement? And we’ve been honoring those consequences, kudos to mom and patting myself on the back right now, because I tend to have a lot of compassion,

 

00:06:48 – 00:07:14

leeway and understanding. And I might not always implement consequences right away, but this time I did. So I’m proud of myself. I was honoring the agreement and implementing the said consequences when violations occurred yet that wasn’t working. And I was trying to figure out what in the world is going on. What’s going on with my child? Why do we have these repeated offenses,

 

00:07:14 – 00:07:35

these repeated violations of the agreement. And they’re not just repeated violations of the agreement. It’s almost as if they’re automatic, like you’re doing it without thinking without much consideration, like without hesitation, you just abandoned an agreement. How is that happening? It’s the same thing. And so at first I was just like, you know, she just being disobedient.

 

00:07:35 – 00:07:51

I can’t believe that she’s acting like this. And I’m, you know, I’m taking it to heart. I’m taking it personally. This is active rebellion against me. She doesn’t honor me or respect me as her mom. Y’all know if anybody got children, you know, you take this stuff personally, when your children, some of us, I know I do when they walk in disobedience,

 

00:07:51 – 00:08:12

because surely if you respected me and you honored me just as you’re a mom, you would be doing the things that I said, dude. Or as Jesus said, if you love me, keep my commandments. Ouch. For any of us out there, if that just landed with you. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Because if you love me,

 

00:08:12 – 00:08:32

you just going to do what I say, right, right. Wrong. I do love you, but I’m not necessarily doing what you say. Why is that? And so after repeated occurrences and I went through all the stuff, you know, taken away, losing the privileges of the phone for a period of time, all the way to you don’t have the phone all together,

 

00:08:32 – 00:08:58

all the way to you’re off the basketball team, all the way to I’m taking away, you know, privileges and find stuff that you really want to do because you’re breaking the rule in this area or to no avail. And I promise this is not a parenting conversation. Just track with me, please, please allow this story to guide you in what we’re going to be talking about in a few more minutes.

 

00:08:59 – 00:09:21

And I’m like, it’s not working and I’m tripping a little bit. So I’m praying, I’m praying woman. So I, I am prayed out of rubbed oil on her. I didn’t command all spirits of rebellion to leave. I’m looking through her room, praying through her room, looking for any open doors from maybe some, some, some gift a friend has given her any video games or shows she’s watching,

 

00:09:21 – 00:09:47

where they’re just outside influences that may be contributing to this lack of regard for what we agreed to. And while I did see some things, some remnant of things, it was when I asked this question that I got to the roots of what I believe was going on with my daughter. And so I asked her, I said that the last offense it was,

 

00:09:47 – 00:10:12

I could see. Cause I had been praying what helped me to see things, the way that she sees them, help me to be able to relate to her in a way that’s going to cause her to make the actions and to make the transformation, to make the decisions that are honoring to you. And so the young lady that I know you’ve called her to be and helped me to facilitate that and how I’m showing up for her as her mom.

 

00:10:13 – 00:10:34

And so I asked her this, I said, okay, because at this one particular time, she’s in the, in the offense was she kept getting the phone after hours while she was actually using the phone after hours. So it was agreed upon time on school nights and which, you know, there is no more, there are no more devices and we’re not going to be messaging,

 

00:10:34 – 00:10:59

friends and everything, or just on a device at all. But I found in this series of offenses that she was disregarding that she was kept using their device. And so I asked her, what about, what, what, tell me what was so important that you had abandoned the rules in order to do this thing, that you would go, go against your agreement,

 

00:11:00 – 00:11:27

that you would diss honor your mother and father so that you could do that. What was so important? Share that with me. And, and she shared, and she said, my friend needed me. It’s like, okay. All right. And so in her needing new, I asked, what would you have done if you were asleep? She said,

 

00:11:27 – 00:11:44

well, if I were asleep, then, you know, Hey, I, I just wouldn’t have known that she needed me until in the morning. I said, okay. And, and so, because she needed, you tell me what the desk, what does that do for you knowing that your friend is in need and she needs you? Well,

 

00:11:44 – 00:12:02

she said, I just wanted to be there for her. And I wanted her to know that I am there for her and I wanted to just listen to her. Okay. Well, mom, she was stressing out and I just, I just wanted to be there because I’m her friend. I said, okay, okay. I get that. I get that.

 

00:12:02 – 00:12:26

And I said, how important is it to you that you’re there for your friends? Because when we look at the previous times that you had offenses, it was all really to your friends, you know? And so I started naming the previous instances, a couple of them. And as a mom, I was thinking, my first thought prior to this conversation is I don’t want her with them friends.

 

00:12:26 – 00:12:52

Cause what kind of friends do you have that will cause you to just ignore everything to go after them. These are not good influences, except for now. It didn’t matter the friend. So it wasn’t just this person and this person, you know, because maybe you’re, maybe you don’t do this, but if we, and if we’re not careful, we will start labeling people.

 

00:12:52 – 00:13:10

And is this toxic influence and this toxic influence and this person who has no regard for what their parents doing this since they don’t care about their parents, they don’t want you to care about your parents. And it could be that I’m not saying that it isn’t, but what I got to the root of it, and I asked this question, I realized it was,

 

00:13:10 – 00:13:27

it, it didn’t matter. The person, it was the role of the person was in. And that role for my daughter was friend. And so I asked her to tell me, why is it important for her to show up for a friend? And she said, well, mom, I want to be a good friend. And I said, okay,

 

00:13:27 – 00:13:48

well, tell me more about that. What is a good friend to you? And she said, you know, someone, who’s there for you, someone that you can talk to and tell them anything. And someone that is trustworthy. And I want to be that for my friends. And that’s when I realized that for my daughter, friendship is a value of Hertz.

 

00:13:49 – 00:14:14

It is important to her that she shows up well as a friend. And because it’s important for her to show up well, as a friend, she’s willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens. Now at 12 years old, we understand that, you know, there, there are so many other things that we need to incorporate into this.

 

00:14:14 – 00:14:34

You know, we need boundaries. I mean, understand what, what can we do and what we can’t do? What’s realistic. What’s not realistic, but I would at 12 for a 12 year old, I admire that in my daughter. I admired that she wanted to be a good friend. And in her effort to be a good friend, she was violating other things.

 

00:14:34 – 00:14:59

She was willing to risk getting caught. She was willing to risk disappointing her mom. She was willing to risk losing privileges in order to honor her value as friend. So let’s talk about values, what our values. If you remember in episode number two, I talked about values a little bit, and I talked about how allowing our values to shape our actions.

 

00:14:59 – 00:15:23

Just touched on it briefly. You can listen back to there, but I wanted to go a little bit deeper in this episode for a various reasons. So let me just define values for you. Values are principles that help you decide what’s right and what’s wrong. The values are what shows your influences, how you act and various situations. And so when we listened to the story of my daughter,

 

00:15:23 – 00:15:54

we realized that for her being a good friend is a value of hers showing up well for her friends is a value of hers. So she thinks right now as well. And so I want to ask you again, you know, again, again, again, what drives your decisions because authentic decisions, decisions that are made and they honor who you are and they honor your design and they honor what is true about what you want from life and what you want to give with your life.

 

00:15:54 – 00:16:30

Those decisions, authentic decisions they’re shaped and they’re ruled, and they’re governed by your values. And many of us are not making authentic decisions. We’re making automatic decisions. We’re making fear-based decisions. We’re making decisions out of exhaustion. We making decisions out of ambition. We’re making decisions out of anxiety. And so today’s episode, I just want to just kind of opera you three things to consider when making decisions because decisions drive our life.

 

00:16:30 – 00:16:59

And so here are the three things I wanted to start with this key principle, before I get into the three keys, when it comes to really making value based decisions. So a significant Live-ing. I know this podcast is all about living a significant life, a life where you don’t have to second guess who you are disconnect from those you love or undervalue and undermine your irreplaceable contribution to the world.

 

00:16:59 – 00:17:28

When life happens a life. When you are living according to your divine design, completely and fully in a way that honors you and honors the one who created you. And so a significant life, it’s a value-driven life. And in order to live a significant life, number one, you must know your values, know your values. This is reflect back to the story of what my daughter,

 

00:17:28 – 00:17:51

the principles that help her decide what’s right and wrong and, and how to act in various situations. What is it? What are those principles? What, what governing you, what governors do? What are your non-negotiables and your absolutely must haves. Those are your values. What, what you fight to protect, fight to keep and, and, and defend at all costs.

 

00:17:52 – 00:18:10

Now, in the example of my daughter, she’s 12 and her values were probably speed, greatly refined over time. But right in that moment, it is important to her that she’s a friend. So don’t worry if you don’t know where your values are and you’re like me and Janice, this is a great question. I don’t even know where to begin.

 

00:18:11 – 00:18:35

I’m going to share with you a free resource that we put together just for you regarding this. And it has a list of values and an exercise that helps you to really hone down in on your values, because in order to live from your values, you must be aware of your values. Number two, own those values when you’ve identified them, when you’ve gotten clear and let’s speak,

 

00:18:35 – 00:18:58

let me say this. So when you get to the exercise, you don’t feel overwhelmed. There’s a list about, about a hundred values on this worksheet, but I want you to follow the instructions. And you’re going to circle about 10 to 15. Now, realistically, we’re not living from all 10 to 15 of those. You’re going to drill down to two core values is to,

 

00:18:58 – 00:19:17

I’m going to say two to five core values that you’re going to live from. And the exercise will show you how to, how everything else falls into that. So if you go back to episode number two and probably episode number one, and anytime that I talk, and I mentioned the word value, you know that one of my highest values is freedom.

 

00:19:17 – 00:19:38

It is probably my number one value freedom. And for me and everything else flows into there, you know, it flows into that. Am I free? My, how I handle my money? If it is driven by, is does this cause me to be free? Or am I restricted in this area? How I show up with my children, how I show up what my husband is.

 

00:19:38 – 00:19:56

It all stems from a place of, am I free in this? Is this causing me to feel free? Or is this causing me a feeling of bondage and restriction or that I’m not able to be my full self? You know, am I expressing all of who I am? Am I free to do all that? Because freedom is, is paramount for me,

 

00:19:56 – 00:20:24

even with clients, y’all even when I’m serving clients, whether it was my coaching clients or my consulting clients, the moment I feel that I can’t be all of me, that I’m not free to show up in a way that honors my design. I looked for ways to shift or disconnect from that relationship. That’s because I ha I am clear that I value freedom.

 

00:20:24 – 00:20:43

Freedom is high, high, high. For me. I’m not willing to risk my freedom at all. I’m not willing to, to diminish or minimize my freedom. Got it, got it. I see. Number two, when you, I mean, number one, when you know your values, you own them. That means that you admit them to yourself.

 

00:20:43 – 00:21:09

You acknowledge that they are real. They are true. They are paramount to who you are and hear this. You share them with those in your life. One of the things that I learned about me and freedom is I’m just thinking about what just actually happened today. As I was recording this episode, I’m, I’m listening in my headset that I reached recently purchased a new set.

 

00:21:10 – 00:21:22

And my husband saw the box when he was looking at our recycling. It’s like, honey, I have a pair of those downstairs. I mean, I have those exact same headset. So I was like, oh, okay, well, why don’t you just bring them up? Because I just bought these, our return them, since you have them,

 

00:21:23 – 00:21:38

well, he brings them up about an hour or so later. And he gives them to me and I’m like, lo and behold, they are the exact same thing. Now you got to know, this is the backstory behind me. Wondering if they’re the same thing. Cause my husband will say he has something and it will be a different variation of the thing.

 

00:21:38 – 00:21:57

And the way his wife has set up, I want the thing like don’t give me a Kindle talking about is the app. Okay? I mean, his stuff is usually of higher quality, but I just, just for effect, I wanted to let John know. So, but he brought these headsets up. They are the exact same headsets. I’m talking about.

 

00:21:57 – 00:22:16

Every single thing I looked at, the writing, all this stuff is like so many. Oh, I’m examining the headsets. Oh my God. So then I say to him, thank you, honey. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. These are literally the exact same headsets that I have. I just appreciate that. Appreciate you. I just appreciate you giving me these headphones.

 

00:22:16 – 00:22:36

And then he said, oh, you can use them. See, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s that? And literally, that’s what I said to him. See that that’s what I’m talking about. And this is why I bought my own headset because I want to be free to grab my headset whenever I want to. I want to be free to spill coffee on my headset.

 

00:22:36 – 00:22:53

I want it to be free. So short the cord on my headset. I want it to be free. So just lose the headset. Do y’all be on me in, but when they belong to you, I’m not all the way free. And so, because freedom has my core value as took my little happy self over there. I gave my husband back.

 

00:22:53 – 00:23:11

His head said, thank you so much, honey. I’m going to keep the ones that I purchased because for me, freedom is my core value. I understand it. So I have owned it. I admit it. I acknowledged it. And then I shared it with him. Now I’m not walking around saying freedom is our core value. Well, really I am.

 

00:23:11 – 00:23:31

But what I do say is honey, you know what, thank you so much for giving me these headsets. I just appreciate the gesture. That was so nice of you. But I know me and my desk. I like to have my coffee and my water and you know, I do the most and I’m hard on my stuff. And so I just want to honor your stuff and the value in your stuff.

 

00:23:31 – 00:23:48

And so I’ll keep mine. Cause you know, you never know what’s going to happen with me and my stuff. Translation. I want to be free to do whatever I want to do with my stuff. And freedom is about your mind. Okay. All right. So number one, know your value is number two, own your values and number three,

 

00:23:48 – 00:24:10

live from your values, ladies. It doesn’t, it does us no good that we know these things. And we are aware of these things. If we don’t make an intentional effort to live from them. And what that means is our values govern our decisions, not our victim, to our decisions. A lot of times we make decisions because they are what others want from us.

 

00:24:10 – 00:24:28

They’re what others expect of us. And they are what others have projected on to us. But they’re not true to us, into who we are. And so when you know your values, you can live from your values. You can look at what is competing and conflicting with my values. When we go back to the story of my daughter, I asked her,

 

00:24:28 – 00:24:48

you know, we further the conversation. I’m glad that you value friendship. Do you value friendship more than your relationship with the Lord? And do you value friendship more than what you agreed to with your parents? Do you value friendship at all costs over and above everything else in your life to which she responded? No, by the way, proud mommy moment.

 

00:24:48 – 00:25:09

Thank you, Jesus. But she didn’t know that, you know, maybe those things were conflicting. And so when I know my values, I can make sure there’s no conflict with my values, but instead my decisions are in alignment with my values, not just what my friends, but also with my money and also on my job. And also how I show up in spiritual matters.

 

00:25:09 – 00:25:30

What is it that you value? We live from our values. So this is a big deal ladies. And the reason I brought this up in this episode is because now that we, at this point of the year, we’re still fairly early in the year, but this is a good place for us to re anchor ourselves in what is true as we,

 

00:25:30 – 00:25:50

as we navigate this next, this next few days or this next several days of our year. But you know, this is not just something you do at the beginning of the year. This is something I do. I’m always revisiting my values. I’m always revisiting where I stand. I’m always revisiting what is driving my decision. What’s the motivation behind my actions,

 

00:25:50 – 00:26:09

particularly when creating a plan. And so for those of you, I’m so excited for this opportunity. Yay. For those of you who created a plane, you’re like, ah, I need a life plan. I don’t know if you do this. Maybe you don’t plan. Maybe you never created a life plan. You just wake up and whatever happens happens,

 

00:26:09 – 00:26:28

or maybe you’ve created a life plan and you are going through the planning process and oh, you did a vision board. And you’re like, the vision board is great, but how do I make it happen? And you’re like, ah, I tried a couple of things and never succeeded, or I abandoned my plan halfway through because life keeps happening and you need,

 

00:26:29 – 00:26:50

maybe you’ve been discouraged and you just need some support. You’re like, I’m not doing that plan. And then because I never followed through, well, I want to offer you an opportunity to join me. Yay. And some other amazing women for our define and design your significant life plan of action, not just the plan, but you’re playing a backs.

 

00:26:50 – 00:27:21

How are you going to navigate through this life? And so on February 19th. So that’s the third Saturday of February from, I think it’s 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM Eastern time, all virtual, but you want to be all in. I’m hosting the define and design your significant life plan of action yarn. You want to make sure you’re there. This masterclass is a staple of my life.

 

00:27:21 – 00:27:44

It’s a staple of the lives of those that I serve on both sides. The client side, I mean the coaching side and the consulting side of my life. We do typically do planning sessions. I used to do these live pre COVID for my, my consulting clients, for them to map out their year, focusing, honing on 90 days at a time.

 

00:27:44 – 00:28:01

But we would do this every single year in January at the end of the month, I would get them together. And we would look at everything, poke holes and all of our ideas come up with strategies and plans of action. So you can run when you get back to your office or home or wherever you are. And so I do this every year.

 

00:28:01 – 00:28:22

My birthday is January 1st. And so every year I have a live play at an action day because every year my birthday, I want to look at what’s next and how do I get there? And so I want to offer you an opportunity to join me. So this, during this day, we’re going to not only create your plan of action, but I’m going to give you tools and skills that will help you to adjust your plan,

 

00:28:22 – 00:28:40

not abandon your plan when life happens. We’re also going to talk about the mindset shifts and things you need to do so you can pressure proof your plan. If nothing else, this pandemic has taught us that a plan is a good idea when you’re in control of everything. Yeah. When you’re in control of everything, then you can map it all out.

 

00:28:40 – 00:29:00

But we ain’t in control in that thing, except for the things that we’re in control of. So what, what, what good is it to plan for those cynics? Is this, when you create a roadmap, I’m going to share with you how to create a plan that’s fluid and flexible enough to, to move when life moves to adjust, you know,

 

00:29:00 – 00:29:16

to help you for those days when you don’t feel like getting out the bed, but just, just because you did get out of the bed and you don’t know what exactly you need to do, you can look at your plan and say, oh, that’s what I, that’s what I committed to. And, and you can get back on the wagon rather than abandoning the wagon life happens.

 

00:29:16 – 00:29:41

So what do we do? What do we do? How do we press pause, take a deep breath and pick up where we left off or pause, take a deep breath, completely eradicate what was and be okay, what, what is, and then from that place, the sad west to come, I want to help you do that. And if you will like to join me,

 

00:29:41 – 00:30:07

go to my significant life for that or for slash masterclass, that’s my significant life.org/masterclass and reserve your spot. I’m excited register early so that we can get your workbook in the mail to you in what other goodies we have set up for this. Okay. And that’s that. So hopefully you can join me in the masterclass, but I want to make sure prior to the masterclass and whether you come or not,

 

00:30:08 – 00:30:30

that you’re set to have to do what you need to do to really get clear on your values. So where you’re listening to this podcast, there’s a link in the show notes, or you can go to my significant life.org, go to our podcast page, find episode number four. And under episode number four, you will see our resource that teaches you how to,

 

00:30:32 – 00:30:52

oh, actually I think I’ll put it under life plan. Let’s go back to that. So actually you can go to my significant life that or foresight life plan and download our free resource. Yep. That’s it. So want to join? The masterclass is my significant life.org/masterclass. And then to get your free resource that goes along with today’s episode, my significant life,

 

00:30:52 – 00:31:17

that org for sweat or life plan, I hope this episode has been helpful for you. I pray. I pray that it offers some clarity and some confidence and really some answers to why things are going the way they’re going. And I pray that they, it is offering a resolve and equipping you for your next step. And so next time y’all know.

 

00:31:17 – 00:31:28

I always forget what my closing is. Live the life that you were designed and created to live. I think that’s it pretty much nodded, but I will see you later on the next episode. Bye for now.

 

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